


hush, it's okay

by doctorkilljoy



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Klaus Hargreeves, Bisexual Male Character, Blow Jobs, F/M, Ghost Sex, Klaus Hargreeves Has Issues, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Porn With Plot, Spit As Lube, Temperature Play, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorkilljoy/pseuds/doctorkilljoy
Summary: The cult is asleep, Ben is mad at him, and Klaus is having a bad night. It improves when he runs into a ghost couple who seem to be pretty into him.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/Original Female Character(s), Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	hush, it's okay

**Author's Note:**

> This happened because people at the Elliott's House Discord enabled me. Also it was a weird idea and I love those. 
> 
> Title is from _Sleeping With Ghosts_ by Placebo.

Ben was mad at him, again. Because Ben was a spoilsport who wouldn't accept that maybe Klaus had a good thing going here. They were somewhere in like… Tijuana? He didn't know but it was definitely Mexico. They were traveling like they'd always talked about. Okay, that Ben had talked about, and Klaus had mostly ignored in favor of chasing his next high. 

Oh and was that ever a bone of contention between them. Ben said he was doing "just okay". Klaus hadn't touched a drop of alcohol or taken so much as an aspirin in like, a year. And that was "just okay"? What the fuck did he want from Klaus? Sainthood? Boy oh boy did Ben have another thing coming. 

It was a quiet night, which Klaus hated the most. Everyone else was asleep, blissfully dreaming away about whatever nonsense Klaus had been spouting that day. And yeah, he totally knew it was nonsense okay? But these people were paying for the trip, and if the price of that was Ben "levitating" him or Klaus giving out pearls of wisdom from the pop music prophets of the future? Then Klaus was totally fine with that. 

Still, these were the nights that Klaus was the most tempted to tell the wagon to go fuck itself and drown his sorrows in whatever illicit substance he could find. 

And Ben was no help. He was punishing Klaus right now, and not in the fun way that Klaus liked. He accused Klaus of using his disciples to chase another high. The fun kind that involved moans and groans and wet noises. And what was so bad about that? Klaus wasn't a selfish lover, he made sure his partners finished too. Ben said that wasn't the point and he couldn't look at Klaus, he'd be back when he no longer wanted to unleash the Horror on him. 

So, yeah, he was still mad. Whatever, Klaus would just have to make his own fun. Sure he could wake everyone up and go chase fireflies or something. They were so peaceful though, and Klaus was an asshole but not that much of one.

The new plan was to wear himself out, wander around until sleep finally caught him. Maybe he'd find Ben. He wrapped himself in a blanket and got off the bus, deciding to skip pulling on actual clothes because who was going to see him? It was pretty cold out though. The blanket was fluffy and warm and that's all he'd need. Probably. 

Klaus took a flashlight with him and wondered if maybe he should leave a trail of breadcrumbs or something so he could find his way back. They were really out in the middle of nowhere. All the stars were out, and it was beautiful in an "I am an insignificant speck in this vast universe" sort of way. He shuddered and kept walking.

"Ben?" He called. No reply. 

It was so still and quiet. It was starting to creep Klaus out, the hair on the back of his neck was standing up. And then he heard a voice say quietly, "Well hello there."

He turned around to see a petite woman with large dark eyes, a black bobbed haircut, and a blue drop waist dress. She had a pretty serious wound across her throat but other than that she looked fantastic. "What're you doing out here, stranger?"

"Can't sleep," Klaus replied. "You haven't seen my brother have you?" 

"What's he look like?"

"Asian, about yea tall, black hoodie, mad at me," Klaus replied.

She laughed, and it sounded weird with her throat being slashed and all. "Can't say I have, sorry."

He frowned. "Shouldn't you be speaking Mexican?"

At that, she laughed harder. "Oh honey, Mexico's about sixty miles away. You're in California." 

"Oh." He could have sworn it was Mexico. Maybe that's where they were heading next. "I'm Klaus, by the way."

"Maggie." The ghost walked closer, and she was smiling warmly at him. "My my, aren't you a pretty one. I tell you, if you were dead I'd be all over you."

"Oh really?" Klaus grinned. "So ghosts can have sex?"

"Sure do. To tell you the truth it's the one thing that makes us feel like we're alive." Now she was very close and reaching out to touch him. Her hand went through his arm and he shivered. "If Johnny were here, we could show you." 

"What's his last name?" 

"Parker, why?" 

Klaus closed his eyes and held out a hand, reaching out with his powers. When he found a nearby ghost with the same name, he called. In moments, Jonny had appeared. He had auburn hair, green eyes, was wearing a gray suit, and had a matching slash across his own throat.

Maggie was aghast, then delighted. "You're a medium!"

"Kind of," Klaus replied. 

"Maggie, what's going on?" Johnny asked.

"This pretty boy wanted to know if ghosts can have sex," she replied mischievously.

"Did he now?" Johnny looked Klaus up and down and said, "Well, he's pretty enough, but he's not dead."

"I think he wants to watch, sugar," Maggie said, giving Klaus a salacious smirk. 

"Actually… I'm up for it if you are," Klaus replied. 

There's no way in hell that Ben would approve. If he were here he'd be screaming at Klaus to knock it the hell off and get back on the bus. Except he wasn't here, and these two were. And the way they were looking at Klaus was giving him the shivers. 

"It's not possible," Johnny said dismissively. "A ghost can't touch a living person. Believe me, we've tried."

"Oh, you can touch me. Here, watch," he concentrated, the familiar blue glow coming to his hands. He could hold this for days if he needed to. He'd been practicing. "Okay, Maggie, if you would." 

She raised an eyebrow, then put her hand out to touch Klaus's chest. She gasped when her fingers made contact with the blanket and drew her hand back. "Oh, my word!" 

Johnny in turn grasped Klaus's hand, then his wrist. "I'll be damned."

"Like I said, I'm up for it if you are."

They looked at each other, and Maggie pulled Klaus's head down for a kiss. It felt… Weird. Her mouth was cold, like making out with someone who'd just chugged ice water. Klaus would be lying if he said he wasn't into it. He jumped when he felt hands on his back, but it was only Johnny. He felt the blanket being pushed off his shoulders, but not removed or ripped away. Cold lips were on the back of his neck and it made Klaus shiver. 

When he broke the kiss with Maggie, it was to see her stripping out of her dress. "You feel so hot," she told him.

"You're freezing," Klaus replied. 

Johnny was still nuzzling on the back of his neck, and he said into Klaus's ear. "It's going to feel amazing to fuck you." 

"Mmm, we need to get a little more horizontal. Hang on." 

He turned off the flashlight, then stripped off the blanket. He laid it out, as though they were having a midnight picnic. Klaus then sat in the center, legs crossed to hide his dick. He wasn't hard yet, but he'd get there quick enough. "Care to join me?"

Maggie was the first. One moment she was still in her pretty blue dress, the next she was naked and in his lap. And yeah, ice-cold ectoplasm against his skin made Klaus yelp. She smirked and started kissing him again, her hands touching him everywhere she could reach. His chest, his arms, around his neck, tweaking his nipples. It was bizarre but so good. 

Then she pulled her mouth away, and it was Johnny pressing him back, mouth attacking his. While Maggie was aggressive, Johnny was downright fierce. He pulled Klaus's hair and broke the kiss long enough to bite Klaus's bottom lip, sucking on it like a piece of candy. He was touching Klaus's cock, slowly stroking it as they made out. 

He was getting hard fast, and he reached for whatever he could. However, Johnny pinned his wrists to the ground with both hands, kissing him harder. It was like he was trying to steal the breath from Klaus's lungs. 

He gasped when something very cold and very wet enveloped his dick. Klaus was on his back by this time, and since he'd lost sight of Maggie it was pretty easy to guess where exactly she'd gone. She sucked hard, then would soften and mouth at the head of his shaft. All the while her lips and mouth were still cold to the point it was a little painful. Which… Okay, he knew he was a masochist, but this was something new entirely.

Finally, he broke the kiss and said, "Hey, I need to breathe--oh my GOD!" Maggie's mouth was now working in tandem with Johnny's hand, and the increased rhythm was driving him mad. 

"You're so hot," Johnny said in his ear. "We haven't felt warmth in many years."

"Are you using me for my body heat?"

"A little. Would that bother you?"

"Not as much as it should. Are you going to fuck me?" 

Maggie by this time had pulled her talented mouth away, and Klaus moaned in disappointment. "You want me to get him ready, Johnny? Or do you want to do it?" 

"You can if you want to. Though, what can we use to ease my way?" Johnny asked.

It was a good question. Klaus didn't exactly have any lube on him. Maggie was looking at him though and she said, "Open your mouth."

Klaus did as she asked, and Maggie shoved two fingers inside. He sucked hard on them, getting them as slick as he possibly could. When she withdrew, Klaus got up on his knees and said to Johnny, "Stand up and come here."

He did as he was told, and Klaus jumped a bit when he felt one of Maggie's fingers push inside of him. Klaus was stroking Johnny's dick again, and he thought to himself that turnabout was fair play as he teased Johnny with his tongue. He ran a delicate line up the side of his cock, then slowly lowered his mouth over Johnny's length. He was groaning, and his fingers tangled in Klaus's hair and fucking pulled in just the way that he liked. In return, Klaus sucked harder. 

Meanwhile, Maggie was diligently opening Klaus up, having slipped another finger inside of him. She was working them fast and hard, making Klaus weak in the knees. Maggie had her free hand between Klaus's legs, fondling his cock every so often and making him cry out. 

They were both still quite cold, but they were starting to warm up. Or maybe that was just Klaus. 

"Enough," Klaus said, pulling his mouth off Johnny's dick. "I'm ready." 

"Maggie?" Johnny asked.

She had pulled away by this time and was lying on the blanket. "I'm feeling neglected." She was pouting at him, a hand running between her breasts. 

Klaus grinned at her. "I can fix that." He was between her legs in moments, slim fingers slipping into her with ease. "You're wet," he observed, then crooked his finger inside her.

Maggie gasped, then said, "Just like watching a pretty boy pleasure my man." 

Johnny had slipped behind Klaus and said, "Hold still." 

He did, groaning when he felt Johnny's larger, blunt fingers inside. He shuddered and decided to copy Johnny's movements with Maggie. She arched her back, her hair falling in her face as she moaned. Klaus leaned over and licked a slim trail from her belly button to her right breast, taking the nipple into his mouth.

"Oh God," Maggie gasped, writhing against him. 

Johnny's hand was on Klaus's back, caressing him as Klaus switched to Maggie's left breast. His fingers worked inside her the whole time, making her mewl and sigh. 

Klaus was having a difficult time holding himself back. So many new yet familiar sensations washed over him, and he was so hard it made him want to cry. Finally, Johnny was grasping him by the hips, and he said, "Brace yourself." Klaus nodded and pulled his fingers out of Maggie, propping himself up on his hands and knees. 

He cried out when Johnny thrust into him. His brain stopped for a moment, unable to process how good it felt compared to how cold Johnny's cock was. Klaus was panting already, and then he felt delicate fingers touching his face. 

Maggie had opened her legs, and she leaned up and kissed Klaus's lips. Johnny guided Klaus's hips until he was fully seated inside Maggie. The three of them paused, breathing hard and almost afraid to move. 

Now his brain was on pleasure overload. It felt amazing. Painful, because of the cold, but so good. How was Klaus supposed to go back to having sex with regular people after this? 

He experimentally thrust his hips forward, dragging a moan out of Maggie. Johnny was still holding him tight, so it was difficult for Klaus to move. He pressed back against Johnny, squeezing himself just so and making the ghost growl in his ear. Johnny's fingers were digging into Klaus's hips, and he gave a vicious thrust forward.

Maggie snapped her hips up to meet Klaus and was gazing up at him with lust-filled eyes. He gave her a quick kiss, then said, "Hold on a moment. Johnny, sit back would you?" He looked over his shoulder at him.

Johnny was frowning, but he did as he was asked, pulling out of Klaus and sitting cross-legged. Klaus in turn settled himself on Johnny's lap, enjoying every delicious inch of him as he pushed himself down on the ghost's cock again. He then gestured for Maggie to join them, which she did, crawling into Klaus's lap and slowly sliding down on his dick.

"You're so tight," Johnny groaned.

"Mmm," Klaus hummed. "You both feel so good." 

"Shut up and fuck me," Maggie growled.

Klaus grinned. "Yes ma'am."

They started slowly at first, the rhythm was a little awkward given that two of the participants were ghosts. But this wasn't Klaus's first threesome. It wasn't even his fifth. Once Johnny stopped trying to control the situation and let Klaus run the show, it was much more satisfying. 

They moved against each other in tandem, along with a kiss here or a bite there. At one point Maggie dug her nails into Klaus's back and scratched him so hard he knew he'd be bleeding. Which he was fine with, wouldn't be the first time. It was when Johnny gave a particularly vicious thrust, hitting Klaus's prostate, he let out a shout he was sure woke someone on the bus. 

"Do it again," Klaus begged. 

Johnny was sucking on his earlobe. "Do what?" Another thrust.

"Ahhh! That, right there," Klaus whimpered.

"I think he's nearly there," Maggie said in a throaty voice. She was moving her hips in a serpentine way, her composure pretty much gone. Klaus slipped a hand between their bodies and rubbed at her clit, making her hips stutter, and Maggie gasped.

"Keep going," Johnny told Klaus. 

He nodded, a hand grabbing Maggie's ass as he thrust with all his strength, fucking her as hard as he dared. Maggie was moaning continuously, until she suddenly seized, and shrieked, convulsing around Klaus. 

Her orgasm was enough to drag him over the edge, and he came so hard he was seeing stars. Johnny continued to fuck him as Klaus rode it out, then his teeth were digging into Klaus's shoulder and Klaus could feel something very cold inside him. It made him shiver as Johnny pulled out. 

Klaus had collapsed onto the blanket, shaking and sweating. "Oh fuck… That was amazing."

It was quiet again.

He sat up, looking around. "Maggie? Johnny?" 

They were gone.

He fell back against the blanket, running a hand through his damp hair. He was still shivering when a familiar face appeared above his. 

"Klaus? What are you doing out here? And why are you naked?" 

"I just had a threesome with some hot 1920s ghosts," Klaus replied.

Ben rolled his eyes. "Sure you did." 

"No, really!" Klaus saw there was still come on his stomach, so he rubbed a hand in it and held it up for Ben to look at. "See?"

"Ew! Jesus Klaus, I don't want to see your spooge! And why are you jerking off in public? Do you want to get arrested again?" Ben made a face and turned away. "C'mon, it's getting cold out." 

Klaus rolled his eyes and wiped his hand on the blanket, then got to his feet. He retrieved the flashlight, wrapped the blanket around himself again, and followed his brother back to the bus. As he left, he thought he could hear someone laughing with delight. It sounded like Maggie. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://talkingcinemalight.tumblr.com/)


End file.
